Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Strong stomach storytime

Who'da thunk you'd ever need to use that title for a post?

Even worse is the reason why.

So, I know this is a food blog, but I am asking you for your own health to put down any food you may be consuming as you read this post.  It will also explain my extended hiatus for the past several days.

Read below only after steeling your stomach...

So this weekend was very much needed.  Lots of drama the week before, and I couldn't WAIT to sink my teeth into a few days off.  I ended up getting called back to work, though.  I only wish that was the reason you needed a strong stomach to read this!

By the time I got home from work and the errands that were originally planned for the day, Irish was gone for a few days to help his dad.  It was just me and the BabyBear.

Remember this ridiculously cute mug??
I decided that I deserved a relaxed night after the not-so-great day back at the 9-5.  I settled in with the laptop and the BB and signed onto the bloggie and my email.  I jotted down a few recipe ideas in a draft that I'd developed in my head on the drive home before I could forget them.  I also started pulling up some of your recipes with the thought that I'd find a great pancake recipe as a base to then create my on flapjacks for the giveaway Katie has arranged.  I remember that I had just grumbled as I realized how involved these pancake recipes were.  Nothing like my old childhood Bisquick 'cakes with their piddly 3 extra ingredients. 

And then came the horror.

BB projectiled.  The most vile smelling odor I have ever smelled in my entire life exited that little dog's mouth.  She put forth this nastiness all over my laptop.  What I absolutely would have expected was the entire contents of her stomach was covering my precious, valuable lifeline laptop.  I froze for several seconds in sheer astonishment.  When I sprung into action, I pulled the plug from it, then took a few more seconds to realize that the laptop would have to be hard-powered down to cut the juice.

I tried to shake off the contents onto our floor (of lesser value to me at that point), but it wasn't coming off without hands-on intervention.  As I placed the laptop upside down onto the floor to go grab paper towels, so projectiled again.  I think she was trying to send me a nasty little message because puke #2 landed squarely onto the couch cushions where I was sitting just a minute before.

From there, it was a blur.  I was working triage in my own home... I can't even count how many times she puked.  I couldn't track from one spot to the next fast enough.  It was the first time that I didn't feel like a strong independent woman who could conquer anything on my own.  I wanted my husband.  I wanted my mommy.  I wanted a vet in my house ASAP.

I frantically called Irish and asked his advice.  He said that he would call the vet if she threw up another 3 times.  So 30 seconds later, I called the emergency number.  The vet wasn't exactly pleased to be called.  I don't think I had time to explain to him exactly how precious and important this sweet BB is and how badly he needed to heal her with his words.  Or dispense something calming to her puppy mama at least.

He said she needed to puke it out and to remove her access to food and water.  Don't you want to rush up to your office to see her pathetic face in person and perform a laying-of-the-hands for her?  Don't you want to inspect the soggy paper towels and truly appreciate the stench that is making me gag on the phone with you to truly weigh the severity of this issue?  (Sidenote:  I fully believe this episode has sealed the fate for my uterus to be my bladder's kindly old maid neighbor rather than an incubator.  However I do realize now that should I ever raise a kid I will be one of those moms.)

So we resigned ourselves to puke this out.  BB was put into a bare kennel to contain the damage and shot me pathetic "how could you allow bad things to happen to me" looks.  I picked up all the food and water and continued the clean, gag, clean, gag cycle.  Irish called to check back on the situation and requested that I stay in the same room as her until she is all better.  He didn't seem to understand that the barf spanned the whole house.  He also tried to convince me that I should sleep with BB at my side so I would know if she was still puking or if she started to have signs of distress.  I told him that I wouldn't be puked on and that putting the kennel next to the bed was the best that I could do.

Oh, and I also informed him that BB gifted him with a nice wide swath of puke across his half of the bed.  Suddenly he seemed a little more open to the idea that BB could sleep in the kennel.  It was around midnight that I realized that I hadn't even gotten the chance to eat dinner.  All those delicious recipes swirling around my head just a few hours ago were just vague memories at that point.  All I wanted was to stop smelling puke and get some much needed sleep.

Apparently it takes a few days for a laptop to dry out sufficiently before you can risk turning it on without shorting out something.

You may take a deep breath and resume eating when ready.

Soo.... I thought that I would let you all know where I have been and why I have been gone.  I will have to try the recipes that I dreamed up and report back.  I will have to continue a process that I very dirtily named "suck and blow"-- sucking up the crusty crap from the laptop with the vacuum attachment and blowing out the crud with an air can.  Rinse and repeat.

What exciting things have you been up to lately?  What has caused you to suffer one of those "I want my mommy" moments as an adult?

Oh yes, and a food update that wasn't pre-chewed.  I tried raw, un-massaged kale in my lunch today.  It was pretty tasty in the whole mix.  As a plain ol' piece of kale all nekkid and all, I still don't love it.  But how often do you eat nekkid leafy greens anyway?  So all in all I would say that I have embraced kale. OH! I also got to try a few nibblets from a local raw vegan restaurant this weekend, too.  It was d-i-v-i-n-e.  I definitely want to go back and get a full meal.  Soon.  Yu-u-ummmm!


Trail (Oven Aversion) said...

P.S. Yes, this means that I am currently typing on a keyboard that still has vomit residue underneath. Funny how you reach the point where you're willing to risk some unsanitary conditions to do something you really want to do. I could almost relate to the crack addicts...

Gina said...

YIKES!!!! What a story. It's like having a kid, right? You never know what you're going to get! Crusty keyboard sounds, well, nasty. But, I'm glad your baby is ok :)

Trail (Oven Aversion) said...

Thank you! Yeah, I don't know if I could handle the kid version of that. You can't lock them in a kennel until they're better.